13 Best Kanye West Quotes About Soft-Furnishings

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Sometimes when I’m low, I think about buying a chaise-longue. But…well. Well I never actually have. And that’s one of the truest truths there is. [GQ, 2009]

 

What you need to understand about chairs, man, is that they stop your ass from touching the Earth. My ass is the Earth. You all live on my ass. My Earth-ass. MY. EARTH. ASS. [Ellen, 2016]

 

Reupholstering should be a crime. If it ain’t threadbare, it ain’t real. Hell, my threads are so bare I’m realer than Jesus and peanut butter. Period. [Upholstering and Upholstery Monthly, 2012]

 

A cushion is just a cloud that’s lazy as shit. [On stage at Burning Man, 2014]

 

When I’m on stage I become an Ottoman. Not a Turk – I mean I become an ornate couch. With hella-cool buttons and shit. Opulent patterning. The audience think they’re sitting on me. But I’m a gas, vibrating in the astral plane. A meta-couch. [WTF with Marc Maron,  2009]

 

Taylor Swift has good taste in footstools. [Twitter, 2015]

 

150% of the time, I’m thinking about God or armchairs. 200% of the time, God is an armchair. 400% of the time, I’m making cripples walk again. 500? That’s a stupid number. [Loose Women, 2011]

 

I am the single greatest beanbag in the history of the world. [Fader, 2008]

 

Open your curtains. I’m there. I’m an owl at your window. The thing is, even when the curtains ain’t open, I still see you. I’m an owl with hyper-eyes. You can’t argue with that. No, sir. [On stage at Grammy Awards, 2009]

 

I’m jealous of moths. They get to eat blankets. I’d eat twenty blankets a day if I could. And I could, for sure. I have a tremendous appetite. I once ate a shoe. [Springwatch, 2014]

 

Bath towels, bedspreads, bedding, blinds. The four Bs. This is Illuminati level mind-whack. Look up and you will become the future. Dogs. [John Lewis employee intranet, 2013]

 

When I think about soft-furnishings I commit to it with every milligram of my soul. I’m driven. I’m gifted. You can’t be a half-assed rube when it comes to shit like this. This is life or death. Brian Eno. [Kanye by Kanye by Kanye: The Autobiography by Kanye, 2016]

 

Yo take your shoes off before you walk on that rug, Jeremy. [Lyrics to “Slavery or Something”, 2012]

 

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